Without Knowing

(written 1.2.13)

I arrived in Gressier safe and sound, although very tired, with my (brand new) mangled luggage.

I basically slept the day away :) After lunch I slept for about 6 hours and then was back in bed before 9:30.

This is definitely a step outside my comfort zone, a stretch beyond the box of Haiti that I have become comfortable and “safe” within.

Something that hasn’t changed is that I love this place. It was a little like coming home, all the familiar sights, sounds and smells that are Haiti. It was a little weird on the drive from the airport to think that I’m in Haiti and won’t be seeing  the HAF kids whom I love and miss so dearly.

I have no idea what God has for me on this journey or the things He will put before me to do but I’m anxious to figure it out.

This morning’s reading in “My Utmost for His Highest” was titled “Will You Go Without Knowing?” Here is what it said…

“He went out, not knowing whither he went.” Hebrews 11:8

“Have you been ‘out’ in this way? If so, there is no logical statement possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the difficulties in Christian work is this question – ‘What do you expect to do?’ You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually revise your attitude towards God and see if it is a going out of everything, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in perpetual wonder-you do not know what God is going to do next. Each morning you wake it is to be a ‘going out,’ building in confidence on God. ‘Take no thought for your life,… nor yet for your body’ – take not thought for the things for which you did take thought before you ‘went out.’

                Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you go out in surrender to Him until you are not surprised an atom at anything He does?

                Suppose God is the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him – what an impertinence worry is! Let the attitude of the life be a continual ‘going out’ in dependence upon God, and your life will have an ineffable charm about it which is a satisfaction to Jesus. You have to learn to go out of conviction, out of creeds, out of experiences, until so far as your faith is concerned, there is nothing between yourself and God.”

I found this interesting because I have come “without knowing.” Without knowing anyone here, without knowing a whole lot about the ministry, without knowing what I’ll be doing, without knowing where I’d be living or what the conditions would be.

I still don’t know what I’ll be doing these next three months and it is kind of up to me. Megan wants any volunteers/interns with Respire to be able to use their gifts and do what it is they feel God is leading them to. She doesn’t want to just stick a person into a job/position. So, I will live life here with the Respire family and, Lord willing, build relationships with our Haitian staff and neighbors and see where God leads me.

I’ve come at a relaxed/lulled down time as school is still out and everyone is on a bit of a break. Once things get back into swing come Monday I will get more of an idea of what kind of things go on on a daily basis, as well as all the various things Respire does here in Gressier.

Beginnings

And so begins the start of another journey. This journey starts not only with a new year but with a new ministry, a new village, new co-workers (I'm sure I will be calling them family before too long), new friendships. 
All of this "new" also bring along a lot of unknown. I'm excited for the "new" and at the same time a little nervous/anxious for the "unknown." 

My prayer (and this is what I ask you to pray for me) is not for safety, not that I will be comfortable. My prayer is that I use these three months wisely and make the most of the time God is giving me in Haiti (this time around :). My prayer is that I will be acutely aware of the people and needs around me, not missing any opportunities. My prayer is for boldness. My prayer is that the people I am living with/among will see Jesus in/through me despite a language barrier. My prayer is for spiritual protection in a land where spiritual battle rages and is palpable. My prayer, above all else, is that God will be glorified in and through me.
Please be praying these things along with me. After this summer I so realize the importance of prayer support   and covet each of your prayers. It is so encouraging to know people are praying, to receive the simple words, "we prayed for you today," or "I'm praying." 
I don't know what the internet situation is but, I promise to do my best to update this blog, maybe post a picture to facebook here and there, and whatever else I can do to keep in touch. I also want to know what's going on back here in the States! So, please, feel free to leave comments on the blog, send an email, post on facebook, etc.

Here's to a New Year, a new journey, and God being glorified in it all.

And I'm Off

It’s official! It has been for a while but it feels more “real” now that flights have been booked!

I leave KC December 31 (a tad sooner than originally thought), flying into Haiti January 1.

I was able to coordinate flights with a friend who is flying back so we’ll get to spend New Years together in Miami (airport) enjoying a nearly 12 hour (for me) layover. Yippee!

God definitely worked the details out as my other options had not been working out. It was also a bit of a confirmation as all this came about yesterday evening (see previous post written Dec. 10).

I leave Haiti April 1, arriving in KC the following day.

Thank you so much for your support and prayers which I covet greatly. 

It's a Wonderful Life

(written Dec. 10)
My morning started with finding out I have Friday off (yay!) followed by finding out the family I work for will be moving to North Carolina. Translation: I may not have a job when I return, and if I do it won’t be for long.

This brought mixed emotions of excitement for the possibilities the next few months may bring, and anticipation of seeing God’s plans unfold. And on the other hand there was worry and doubt. What if I come back to no job and no prospects? And questioning; was this the right decision? Maybe people were right and what I thought to be God’s direction wasn’t.

Man does Satan just step right in at the slightest hiccup and bombard us with his fiery darts. God quickly stepped up and quenched those darts as I read the following things, and remembered what I had just heard at church yesterday.

“… Meanwhile, Jesus commands us to go. He has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to this purpose is unbiblical Christianity.”

“Every saved person this side of heaven owes the gospel to every lost person this side of hell. We owe Christ to the world – to the least person and to the greatest person, to the richest person and to the poorest person, to the best person and to the worst person. We are in debt to the nations.”

“But what if we don’t need to sit back and wait for a call to foreign missions? What if the very reason we have breath is because we have been saved for a global mission? And what if anything less than passionate involvement in global mission is actually selling God short by frustrating the very purpose for which he created us?” (all quotes from Radical by David Platt)

“I [Jesus] have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Sunday’s message was from Luke 1:26-37; 46-55, titled “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

After the visit from Gabriel announcing that Mary would give birth to God’s Son Mary’s life became abnormal, her life was turned upside down, her life was re-scripted. Yet in all of that she praised God, she responded, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

Mary was favored by God. She was chosen by God to bring His Son into the world. But being a Christian, being favored by God does not mean we will have an easy life free of worries, trials and tribulations. It means we WILL have trials and tribulations, we will be persecuted, and we will be tested.

I want to be like Mary. I want to embrace the blessing and not the burden.

God sees the big picture and what He sees is beautiful. I’m just along for the ride :) 

Sak Pase?

I decided the blog needed a face a lift. A new beginning for a new journey :)
And I promise to try and keep this up a little better... I know, I know. You shouldn't make promises you can't keep.

Thank you for joining me on this new journey, for praying for, supporting, and encouraging me. My upcoming time in Haiti will be unlike any other trip I've made to Haiti. Every trip is different, of course, but this will be so completely different and out of my comfort zone. I feel like God is going to use this time to really challenge, grow and change me. I pray I am workable clay in my Potter's hands.

Two Journeys...

I've started a couple posts since I've been back in the States but have  not completed them... maybe I'll pull my thoughts together and finish them. Eventually...

I'm facing, what's turning out to be a difficult, decision. To pursue an opportunity to return to Haiti in January or not. Who thought I would have trouble with this decision?!? Not me, that's for sure!

As previously stated I have an opportunity to return to Haiti in January with an organization called Respire Haiti, it would be a 2.5 month "internship." There are multiple things which factor into this decision, it's not long-term (but an opportunity that God could use to open those doors), I would most likely be quitting my (not-so-bad) job and be coming back to no work (if I come back...), fundraising, etc, etc. 

Last week I started a Bible Study on Ruth with a group of ladies from church; week one was titled "Two Journeys," the first day was "Fleeing Home." I couldn't help but compare it to my journey to Haiti, and my decision(s) about returning to Haiti. 
Day one was a lot of background on the Moabites, a nation which God had commanded His people, the Israelites, not to be in relationship with. The country to which Elimeelech fled with his family due to famine in Judah. (Some of the scripture readings were Ruth 1:1-2; Deut. 23:3-6 and Judges 3:12-14 should you care to look them up. :)

"...Here they stood on the precipice of a sticky decision - to stay in the arid land of God's choosing or to flee to the bountiful one God had roped off. We know that Elimelech chose the latter, but the question today is What will you choose? Perhaps the Lord has you in difficult circumstances and the attractive land of Moab is an alluring decision away. Escaping to easier terrain is all too tempting when we're weary in hardship."

So, we've got the arid land and the bountiful one... for me, which is Haiti and which is the States? I don't think God has "roped off" either to me, but which one is the "easier terrain"? I'm not entirely sure. 
My heart is in Haiti, I love Haiti. But is that just me and my selfish desires? I believe it is a desire God has placed in me. 
Then there are days when I'm driving down the street and I think I could be happy/content here just working, being involved in church, advocating for orphans from/in the States. So is that the "easier terrain" or would that be the "land of God's choosing"?
Do I simply not have enough faith to quit my job and go for it? See where God will lead?What He has to teach me? How He wants to grow me? Am I putting too much stock in what others are saying (or not saying)?

Kelly (the author of the Bible study) had us read Galatians 6:9 and Hebrews 11:24-26 then  "write about how these verses encourage you to stand firm where God has you," being as thoughtful and detailed as we could.

I know what my heart says. (I also know what my brain says. ;) ) I know God hasn't shut the door yet. I know either decision will take me having faith in one way or another.
This study has already encouraged me, God has already used it to speak to me in the place I am in right now.
Hopefully this can be an encouragement to you in the decisions you are facing right now, and not just me and my random babble as I spew my thoughts about, I pray you are encouraged to stay where God has you, move forward to where He is leading, or perhaps to return to an "arid land" which you have fled in order to pursue that which looked more bountiful, attractive and alluring. 

Sounds of Haiti...

Martilene started talking over the summer and my name was one of the first things she said. So darn cute! Miss all the "Shawon"s I heard all day long...