Bullet-Points

(1.11.13)

I often have too many thoughts to be able to form a cohesive blog, not to mention that they are incomplete, not totally processed, have no answer/solution… So here is my bullet point blog (thank you Jessi for the idea :) ).

•  Evil is incredibly real here
•   Living here can be incredibly frustrating, challenging, discouraging, and heartbreaking, but at the same time joy-filled, encouraging, smile inducing, happy, heart-warming and incredible.
•    I don’t know how people work/serve here without knowing the Lord and having that hope.
•  I feel cleaner than I thought I would after a bucket bath.
• Washing clothes by hand, particularly wringing out jeans, is HARD work. Note to self: invest in more running/athletic shorts :)  
•   I think I can tolerate rats better than ants and cockroache
• Electricity is over-rated :)
• God is at work here. RH is definitely a work of the Holy Spirit moving and His servants being obedient and faithful.
•   Pastor and Madame Benito have the greatest testimony of being patient and persistent, trusting God and believing He will answer. 12 years they faithfully prayed weekly atop Bellvue Mountain for God to do something great on that mountaintop and today He is doing just that.
• The kids here are so easy to love (and some difficult at the same time :) )
• The enemy is constantly attacking
• The RH team is so real and I love it!
• God is opening my eyes anew to the daily sights that have become “normal” to me. Re-softening and breaking my heart to those things that, though see everywhere you look, are NOT, should not be, normal.
• While I can’t wait for it to be March 16 (the day Stephanie, Natalie and their team arrive) April is already too close and I can’t imagine having to leave again.
•    I miss having a beach within walking distance and multiple beaches within a short drive.
• I got to see sweet Clevens last Saturday and he looks SO good!
•   Tomorrow marks the third anniversary of the earthquake. I have been in Haiti on January 12 the past three years. Had God not changed our plans I would have been here January 12, 2010 too.
• You never know who it is God has for us to witness and be a testimony to. It isn’t always the Haitians or the “obvious” ones, but the Americans, the ones we live amongst. (We have one American on the team, living here, who is not a believer and have had at least 5 non-believers here on teams.)
• My battery is about to die because we haven’t had current (power) since this morning.

Praising in Prayer

What a day today has been. Our patient returned today and things looked a lot better. It's still not known if this woman has an infection or cancer but, there was so much dead tissue the Dr. did surgery and removed quite a bit. There are not words adequate enough for what I saw today. The strength and courage of this woman, the way the medical team worked together under the circumstances (no proper OR, no electricity, not sucky, but sucky, syringes, the list goes on), the way the Dr. took everything a step at a time, the way the non-medical team member stepped up, help this woman's hand, translated walking her through and comforting her the whole time, the way our team "assisted," comforted this woman, prayed. God was there. 

I don't think I've fully processed, nor can I. 

Pray for this woman. Pray for a miracle, for healing, pray it is not cancer, pray God gives grace and strength to the one who has to step up and care for this wound after the Dr. leaves Wednesday. Pray that the supplies we need, and are low on, to care for our patient will provided when they are needed. Pray for this woman's heart and soul.

First-Hand

(written 1.4.13)

Things are so different here from Jacmel. Not just the location and living conditions (I don’t like using that word because it makes it sound like the conditions are bad, which they aren’t), but the ministry.

We have a team here this week doing a medical clinic and yesterday I spent the day in the clinic helping where needed. I started out outside playing with kids who were waiting, attempting to talk with them :) always fun. I moved inside and helped people find eyeglasses, took people for urine tests, ran here, ran there. But there were two women who stuck out.

We actually sent one lady to the hospital with one of our doctors, hoping she’d be able to get a biopsy. That didn’t happen. Long story short without the biopsy there isn’t a way of knowing exactly what is going on, what treatment/procedure she needs. Is it an infection? Is it cancer? Either way it’s not good. If it’s cancer this lady’s only chance of survival is a miracle.

The Dr. decided to clean it up and try to drain it (this is the part I got in on) and based on that she really thinks it is cancer, there was no puss or anything like that.

(this might get graphic) But to see that woman’s breast the size of a cantaloupe, burst open, fungating, leaking “stuff” and not being able to REALLY do anything seemed so wrong. All we could do was clean it, wrap it up, give antibiotics and pain meds, and tell her to come back Sunday. The hope is that maybe it will look better and the Dr. can, possibly, rule out cancer. That is not likely.

I’ve heard these kinds of stories of course, I know these things happen in Haiti every. single. day. But I have never personally experienced or witnessed it. To see it first-hand it hits you like simply hearing about it cannot. I cannot imagine being in her situation and knowing there is no way to get help. Unless some doctors come in and see me for free, give me free meds, possibly surgery, all I can do is live with it. If she goes to a hospital  here they turn her away because it is so bad (they don’t want to chance the statistic of another death).

This woman was(is) a trooper. She doesn’t really have pain unless she is being poked, pressed and prodded, thank God, but she sat there and said, “God gave me this.” She wasn’t saying it in a bad, angry, bitter, upset way. Just matter of fact. This is from God.

Sorry for the rambling, still processing.

I don’t know the whole story with the other lady who touched my heart. I walked up after she’d been seen and Jessi and the doctor were talking to her. This is what I got though, this woman was taking care of two children, a two year old and a baby, who aren’t hers biologically. She was breastfeeding the older child and couldn’t/wouldn’t breastfeed the younger because she couldn’t produce enough milk.

Jess told her the older child is doing great and doesn’t need to be breastfeed anymore but that baby was small and NEEDED her breast milk. Don’t know why but the woman took this kind of hard. They have her vitamins, they gave her formula for the baby to supplement while her body produces more milk.

I don’t know why but as Jessi told this woman how special she was, that God had chosen her to care for these children, that she was blessed, to stay strong, tears welled up in my eyes.

I’m sure this woman has next to nothing to begin with but she took these kids on not only sacrificing money, food, housing, etc. but her body as well. My mind is blown away by these people.

Without Knowing

(written 1.2.13)

I arrived in Gressier safe and sound, although very tired, with my (brand new) mangled luggage.

I basically slept the day away :) After lunch I slept for about 6 hours and then was back in bed before 9:30.

This is definitely a step outside my comfort zone, a stretch beyond the box of Haiti that I have become comfortable and “safe” within.

Something that hasn’t changed is that I love this place. It was a little like coming home, all the familiar sights, sounds and smells that are Haiti. It was a little weird on the drive from the airport to think that I’m in Haiti and won’t be seeing  the HAF kids whom I love and miss so dearly.

I have no idea what God has for me on this journey or the things He will put before me to do but I’m anxious to figure it out.

This morning’s reading in “My Utmost for His Highest” was titled “Will You Go Without Knowing?” Here is what it said…

“He went out, not knowing whither he went.” Hebrews 11:8

“Have you been ‘out’ in this way? If so, there is no logical statement possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the difficulties in Christian work is this question – ‘What do you expect to do?’ You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually revise your attitude towards God and see if it is a going out of everything, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in perpetual wonder-you do not know what God is going to do next. Each morning you wake it is to be a ‘going out,’ building in confidence on God. ‘Take no thought for your life,… nor yet for your body’ – take not thought for the things for which you did take thought before you ‘went out.’

                Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you go out in surrender to Him until you are not surprised an atom at anything He does?

                Suppose God is the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him – what an impertinence worry is! Let the attitude of the life be a continual ‘going out’ in dependence upon God, and your life will have an ineffable charm about it which is a satisfaction to Jesus. You have to learn to go out of conviction, out of creeds, out of experiences, until so far as your faith is concerned, there is nothing between yourself and God.”

I found this interesting because I have come “without knowing.” Without knowing anyone here, without knowing a whole lot about the ministry, without knowing what I’ll be doing, without knowing where I’d be living or what the conditions would be.

I still don’t know what I’ll be doing these next three months and it is kind of up to me. Megan wants any volunteers/interns with Respire to be able to use their gifts and do what it is they feel God is leading them to. She doesn’t want to just stick a person into a job/position. So, I will live life here with the Respire family and, Lord willing, build relationships with our Haitian staff and neighbors and see where God leads me.

I’ve come at a relaxed/lulled down time as school is still out and everyone is on a bit of a break. Once things get back into swing come Monday I will get more of an idea of what kind of things go on on a daily basis, as well as all the various things Respire does here in Gressier.

Beginnings

And so begins the start of another journey. This journey starts not only with a new year but with a new ministry, a new village, new co-workers (I'm sure I will be calling them family before too long), new friendships. 
All of this "new" also bring along a lot of unknown. I'm excited for the "new" and at the same time a little nervous/anxious for the "unknown." 

My prayer (and this is what I ask you to pray for me) is not for safety, not that I will be comfortable. My prayer is that I use these three months wisely and make the most of the time God is giving me in Haiti (this time around :). My prayer is that I will be acutely aware of the people and needs around me, not missing any opportunities. My prayer is for boldness. My prayer is that the people I am living with/among will see Jesus in/through me despite a language barrier. My prayer is for spiritual protection in a land where spiritual battle rages and is palpable. My prayer, above all else, is that God will be glorified in and through me.
Please be praying these things along with me. After this summer I so realize the importance of prayer support   and covet each of your prayers. It is so encouraging to know people are praying, to receive the simple words, "we prayed for you today," or "I'm praying." 
I don't know what the internet situation is but, I promise to do my best to update this blog, maybe post a picture to facebook here and there, and whatever else I can do to keep in touch. I also want to know what's going on back here in the States! So, please, feel free to leave comments on the blog, send an email, post on facebook, etc.

Here's to a New Year, a new journey, and God being glorified in it all.

And I'm Off

It’s official! It has been for a while but it feels more “real” now that flights have been booked!

I leave KC December 31 (a tad sooner than originally thought), flying into Haiti January 1.

I was able to coordinate flights with a friend who is flying back so we’ll get to spend New Years together in Miami (airport) enjoying a nearly 12 hour (for me) layover. Yippee!

God definitely worked the details out as my other options had not been working out. It was also a bit of a confirmation as all this came about yesterday evening (see previous post written Dec. 10).

I leave Haiti April 1, arriving in KC the following day.

Thank you so much for your support and prayers which I covet greatly. 

It's a Wonderful Life

(written Dec. 10)
My morning started with finding out I have Friday off (yay!) followed by finding out the family I work for will be moving to North Carolina. Translation: I may not have a job when I return, and if I do it won’t be for long.

This brought mixed emotions of excitement for the possibilities the next few months may bring, and anticipation of seeing God’s plans unfold. And on the other hand there was worry and doubt. What if I come back to no job and no prospects? And questioning; was this the right decision? Maybe people were right and what I thought to be God’s direction wasn’t.

Man does Satan just step right in at the slightest hiccup and bombard us with his fiery darts. God quickly stepped up and quenched those darts as I read the following things, and remembered what I had just heard at church yesterday.

“… Meanwhile, Jesus commands us to go. He has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to this purpose is unbiblical Christianity.”

“Every saved person this side of heaven owes the gospel to every lost person this side of hell. We owe Christ to the world – to the least person and to the greatest person, to the richest person and to the poorest person, to the best person and to the worst person. We are in debt to the nations.”

“But what if we don’t need to sit back and wait for a call to foreign missions? What if the very reason we have breath is because we have been saved for a global mission? And what if anything less than passionate involvement in global mission is actually selling God short by frustrating the very purpose for which he created us?” (all quotes from Radical by David Platt)

“I [Jesus] have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Sunday’s message was from Luke 1:26-37; 46-55, titled “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

After the visit from Gabriel announcing that Mary would give birth to God’s Son Mary’s life became abnormal, her life was turned upside down, her life was re-scripted. Yet in all of that she praised God, she responded, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

Mary was favored by God. She was chosen by God to bring His Son into the world. But being a Christian, being favored by God does not mean we will have an easy life free of worries, trials and tribulations. It means we WILL have trials and tribulations, we will be persecuted, and we will be tested.

I want to be like Mary. I want to embrace the blessing and not the burden.

God sees the big picture and what He sees is beautiful. I’m just along for the ride :)