The Struggle

I've been trying so hard to blog semi-regularly and have been thinking about it for the past week but have a bad case of bloggers block...
So in order to not go yet another week without blogging, and to "keep it real" I decided to share these lyrics and my struggle...

                                                                               "The Struggle"

Tenth Avenue North

There's a wreckage, there's a fire
There's a weakness in my love
There's a hunger I can't control
Lord I falter and I fall down
Then I hold on to the chains you broke
When You came down and saved my soul
Save my soul

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and sing

So I look, do I still fail
Do I withhold, do I still give in to temptation
On my own I am bankrupt
I will trust You, I'll take you at your word
You promise

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and sing

Hallelujah, death is overcome
And we are breathing
Hallelujah our stone hearts become flesh
A flesh that's beating
Hallelujah chains have been undone
And we are singing
Hallelujah the fire has begun
Can you feel it?

Hallelujah, death is overcome
And we are breathing
Hallelujah our stone hearts become flesh
A flesh that's beating
Hallelujah chains have been undone
And we are singing
Hallelujah the fire has begun
Can you feel it?

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and sing

Lately I've been struggling with one of our live-in Haitian staff; I'm toeing the line of knowing when to speak up and when to let her make poor decisions. I want her and what she is doing to be successful, and I also want her to take ownership, to stop relying on me and step up, but everytime I try to suggest something or explain why what she's thinking might not be the best option it's taken as an attack, or as Americans being better then Haitians, knowing more, thinking our ways are best, etc, etc. 
It's been really hard and I'm on my last ounce of patience as she's really started "pushing my buttons" so to speak, and making things personal. I'm struggling to be patient, to be kind, to be loving, to not be frustrated and upset. I'm struggling to keep my focus on what the goal really is, on what the reason is for doing what we're doing because of everything else that is going on. Satan is definitely trying to tear down, distract and discourage.
I'm in need of some good ol' serious God time, strengthening and encouraging. Praying for patience, a soft heart, kind works, and a gentle spirit. 
So there it is, me being "real." 

Bon Fet

A couple nights ago I started going through the nearly 1,000 messages in my inbox and cleaning out my e-mail. As I started with the oldest I quickly came upon a couple things my dad had forwarded and then came to an e-mail my mom sent, which she had found when she was going through dads computer a couple months after he'd passed away, of tidbits my dad had written about himself. Anyway, might be needless to say that I was immediately in tears. Miss him so much!
On today, his birthday, I wanted to share that e-mail to honor him and give you a little peek into why I love and miss him so much...

1. One of my collagraph prints, titled “The East Window,” was on display at the Smithsonian in Washing DC for a week during the early 70,s and is now part of the permanent collection of the McKnight Fine Arts Center.

2. As a kid growing up we never went to movies and we had no television. My parents got their first TV after I left for college.

3. I was born in Hollywood, California.

4. I went to college for 8 years and have two college degrees and no BA or BS to show for it — only a BRE and BFA from Grace University and Wichita State University.

5. I lived in Cali, Colombia, South America for eight months working as a graphic designer in the Charles Chapman Publication Center.

6. I never watch MSM (Mainstream Media).

7. In 1988 I was a delegate to the Missouri Republican Convention in St Louis.

8. I grew up on a farm and learned to drive a stick-shift before I knew there was anything else.

9. I have survived two car accidents where the cars were totaled. In one I landed upside down in a dry creek and the only way out was though the broken back window. The only thing that hurt was the tops of my thighs — that happened when I disconnected my seatbelt and I dropped from my hanging position and my legs hit the steering wheel.

10. The first four years of my elementary education took place in a one-room school house. It was a mile-and-a-half walk.

11. I was never taught phonics in school. I was taught the new, progressive, “whole word” or “look-say” method. 

12. I was in high school walking past the drinking fountain when I heard the announcement that President Kennedy had been assassinated.

13. It was in a creek on my grandfather’s farm that I learned to swim — naked.

14. As a small child I would often stray from the house and set my mother in a panic many times. One time she found me a half-mile down our country road on my tricycle. When she asked me where I was going, I told her, Grandma’s house (it was only 30 miles away).


15. I graduated from Berean Academy (high school) in Elbing, Kansas #23 in a class of 32 — nope, not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

16. My first car was a 1950 Pontiac coupe. My dad bought it for $50.00 and then spent $100.00 on four new tires.

17. I was on both the year book and paper staff while attending Berean and Grace. 

18. Was able to pay my school bills at Wichita State when I applied for and was awarded the paid position of Art Editor of the yearbook. Gloria Watson was the editor and we published the year book under budget — so the next year the board of publications slashed our budget — figuring we had way too much money to spend and were just wasting it!

19. I have been to New York City, Washington D.C. and the San Diego zoo twice. 

20. In the forth grade my mother taught a weekly Child Evangelism Good News Bible club in the public school I attended. No one protested. Imagine!

21. I took piano lessons in grade school, high school and college and no, I still can’t play worth a hoot.

22. Children truly are a blessing from the Lord and I have come to appreciate what a blessing big families are. Becky and I have both lost a parent and a sibling. I only have my mother and one brother left in my immediate family, Becky has a father, brother and three sisters.

23. I believe Catholics are more pro-life than “evangelicals” because actions speak louder than words. Think about it.

24. I am so glad that Becky agreed to home-school our children. It was not her idea. May her children rise up and call her blessed (Proverbs 31:28). 

25. I know 9-11 was an inside job. And I applaud Mark Cahill, author and Summit Ministries instructor, for his courage as one of the featured speakers in standing up at the November 6, 2004 Worldview Weekend in Kansas City and speaking the truth about what happened that day.

Bonjour

I’ve had one of those weeks when you wonder and ask yourself “why am I here?” (attacks from the enemy.)

Tachi took some time off and with Josh and Megan in the States I have been running the Café. So since I’ve been back I’ve been in the Café everyday (except Sunday) 7-3ish. It’s been slow and you do ask “why am I here doing this? I could be working at a Café in the States…” (might I add we don’t have teams in right now and it’s been very sloooow, literally have had about 20 people come in since I’ve been back.)

Anyway, today I started my morning in the Café and then made a WAY overdue trip up the mountain (it had been over four weeks!), I gave a tour to three teachers who are here with another organization visiting various schools in hopes to find one to partner with long-term. I finished the day in the Café, making cinnamon rolls for breakfast tomorrow, etc. Instead of coming home and laying down I decided to personally deliver some leftover cinnamon rolls to the Freedom House girls (it had been far too long since I’d visited them at their house as well), I was able to sit, hold babies, and chat with them for an hour before I had to come home and take care of some emails. Shortly after finishing that I hear a voice at my door, “Sharon? Sharon?” One of our Freedom House girls had come over to bring me her baby J Anytime they are here she immediately finds me to give me her baby (poor mama just wants a little break to be a kid because that’s what she is…) Anyway, I got out the fingernail polish and had her go get the other girls! So in my small little room we had four girls, two babies, a boy and myself painting nails and getting nails painted! We listened to music and laughed; now the girls are down at the house waiting for dinner to be ready, after that it’s movie night (Sister Act:2!).

Today has been a good day. Today has been a gift from God. Today answered why I’m here.

I’m here for all those kids running around at school calling “Sharon!” I’m here to encourage the teachers who were so excited to know I was back (humbled, happy heart), I’m here to build relationships with our Freedom House girls, to teach and encourage them, to show them the love of Christ. I am here for Joseph* as we figure out what God’s plan is for his young life, I’m here to live daily life with the people God puts in my life on a daily basis even if it means sitting in a Café for 8 hours a day and only having 20 customers in 8 days.

When I was Stateside I had a conversation with Stephanie about that fact that even when you are overseas and your working title is “missionary” you can get distracted with daily living, you still have to make sure you are making ministry a priority, you still have to intentionally make the choice and decision to build relationships. I mean it’s really easy to come home after an 8 hour day at the Café and take a nap, or just sit in silence for a while. It’s easy to have dinner and then go straight back to your room to enjoy more of the quiet, or work on this project or that, to spend the evening answering email, etc. I too have to be more intentional with my time and make it a point to be more attentive to the needs around me, to take advantage of the opportunities I am given to build relationships and share the love of Christ.

Yup, that’s what I’ve been thinking whether or not it makes sense written out on this blog…

Randomnesses...

Feel like I haven’t had a chance to sit down and collect my thoughts so we’re going with a quick bullet-point blog :) 

Randomnesses... 

• My best investment while in the States was an iPod dock! I’m loving, loving, loving it! I missed having music playing (out loud) the past three months.
• Unbaked cinnamon rolls do not keep in the fridge for 2.5 days…
• Forget A/C, I’m privileged and blessed to have a fan.
• Ants are attracted to pigeon poo…
• Pigeon poo is hard to clean when it’s old and dry.
• I didn’t have to buy a return ticket!
• Not everyone is out for a buck or looking for a hand-out.
• I miss corporate worship (in English). So good to spend two Sundays with my church family in the States.
• Joseph* is still with us and SO much happier and more like himself than when he arrived 3 weeks ago.
• I’ve not had one pop/juice/carbonated drink since I’ve been back! Now if I can just keep it up…
• Had my first Creole lesson this week, oy! Sadly my teacher will be heading to the States soon (Lord willing) for school.
• “Randomly” met four women last Tuesday as we stood in the re-booking line. They work with women in Haiti “building better lives through art.” I’m excited to carry their product in our boutique, and am thankful for their excitement for what we are doing here in Gressier, and their willingness to spread the word about RH Café.
• I’ve not been up the mountain for over a month. As much as I want to head up and see the kiddos I am dreading the hike…
• There’s a lady who sells coffee along the road right down from our house, I pass her every morning on my walk to the Café. I’m loving our morning exchange of “bonjour madame,” “bonjour mademoiselle.” It’s not much but I feel like we’re building a sort of friendship and can’t wait for the day I can carry on more of a conversation with her!
• Gearing up for the arrival of 9-11 interns over the next month, and groups starting back up next week. Praying for a smooth summer intern season as I get to be “in charge” this summer.
• Not knowing more Creole is becoming extremely frustrating when the majority of the people you work/live with/around speak no English (not that I expect them to, I was just spoiled in Jacmel with most of the kids knowing a good amount of English).
• I love dinner at the RH house! You never know who you’re going to find when you come down, the Freedom House girls might be there, most evenings you’ll find James (our moto driver/errand runner), sometimes you’ll find Solomon (a good friend who use to work in the LYN garden on Bellevue mountain), once in a blue moon Sophie pops in (an American who use to rent a room with us), on occasion Bernard (one of our translators) will stay for dinner, Fifi (our house keeper) doesn’t stay for dinner but always comes back to take food home. Love the giving, helping spirit of RH.
• I look at the people with whom I work and live and pray I too work, serve, and live with even just a fraction of the love and passion they work, serve and live with.

Orevwa Snail Mail

In addition to my blog I'm trying to send out an occasional letter but I'm moving away from snail mail and going virtual 1) to cut down on cost and 2) so my mom doesn't have to deal with the printing, postage, and licking of 100's of envelopes. 
If you'd like to get this (very) occasional newsletter sign-up by clicking here.

Stateside

If you aren't connected to facebook you may not know that I am in the States for two weeks! I got in Monday just before midnight and head back to Haiti April 16 (on a one-way ticket).
I'd love to get in touch and catch up with as many of you as I can but my days are already filling up quickly with family and "to-dos" so I know the two weeks are going to go by fast.

If you'd like to try to catch up, help with needed items or support me financially please contact me via email at surrender923@yahoo.com.

Turned Tables

(3.31.13)

You may remember a little blurb I wrote about the rescue of “J” (Julie*) in my blog titled “Hope” posted February 8, or maybe you even read Megan’s blog about that day. Well today the table was turned.

As Tachi and I prepared to make cinnamon rolls Megan came rushing through the kitchen saying, “Joseph* is here to see Julie, they haven’t seen each other in three months!” (Joseph is Julie’s younger brother.)

I followed Megan outside in excitement to see Joseph but once I saw him I knew instantly something wasn’t right. Joseph is a student at Respire Haiti Christian School but about two months prior he’d disappeared, stopped coming to school and no one knew where he was.

Julie had always been the one mistreated, beaten and abused while Joseph was treated as royalty so, while I was worried, I wasn’t too worried. That changed the moment I saw him sitting there across from Julie next to some man. Joseph was visibly skinnier than he had been, his face was sunken in and hard, his usual grin wasn’t on his face nor were his eyes filled with their usual smile.

I went back into the house to allow Josh and Megan to talk with “the man,” who was supposedly a cousin. Come to find out Joseph had been living in Jacmel and he and this cousin had walked, WALKED! to Gressier from Jacmel. It’s about 40 miles if you walk the road; 40 miles of going up and down the mountain, that’s IF they actually walked the road which is narrow, windy, and very dangerous when you factor in the crazy traffic.

As the cousin was busy talking Julie sat asking Joseph questions, “are they feeding you?” “no.” “Are they beating you?” “yes.” Not only did this cause my heart to break and become enraged for Joseph but it was a reminder of the life Julie had known. Joseph was now experiencing the life Julie had known.

Joseph did not want to leave Respire, he did not want to budge from his chair and follow his cousin out the gate. Josh said he could stay and we’d send him to school the next day but the cousin said he didn’t have his uniform; without hesitation feisty, thin, little Julie said “his uniform is here!” (Love that little girl!) The tables were turned. Instead of Joseph fighting for his sister to be rescued from her situation, Julie was now fighting for Joseph to be rescued from his situation! So sad, heart-breaking, and enraging while at the same time it made my heart smile to see these siblings fighting for each other, sticking together and loving and caring for each other.

Joseph stayed with us tonight but I don’t know what will happen with his situation because he can’t live with us. Pray for Joseph’s physical, emotional and spiritual healing. Pray for wisdom to know how to handle his situation, to be able to find a good, solid, permanent home for him.

*names changed to protect our students