(7.13.12)
There’s a
young, single midwife running a clinic here in Jacmel who is currently taking
care of a little baby girl who has aids (we actually have her brother here at
HAF). Sarah brought Louise to our 4th of July party (she was 1.5
weeks at the time) and I was able to spend quite a bit of time holding this
precious tiny baby. As Natalie, Matt and I stood staring at her I asked, “how
do you hurt this?,” to which Matt automatically responded, “you don’t!” I
explained that I didn’t actually mean Louise but all the babies who are abused
and abandoned everyday, the babies we have here who were dumped down 35 foot
outhouse toilets minutes after being delivered. Holding and staring at that
precious tiny baby, falling instantly in love, I just couldn’t comprehend…
Two days
later we met another little girl, Jillian, who is now at another orphanage here
in Jacmel. Jillian is 2 years old and weighs 10 pounds. I have never seen such
a sight, in person, in my life. I was happy for Jillian and the care she is now
receiving, happy that she will make it, that she will one day walk and play and
feel the ocean on her skin. But at the same time my heart broke, not
understanding how her parents, the people who are suppose to love and protect
her, could allow her to be in such a state.
This was all
amplified as we had some discussions with our group that week about our kids,
being a parent, etc. We (Matt, Cam and I) are not her to be these kids’ parents
but the reality is we are a parental figure in their lives. We help take care
of them, we discipline them, hold them when they cry, take them on outings,
spend one-on-one time with them, etc. Anyway, I hadn’t really thought about it
until we started having the discussion but I suddenly understood the love of a
parent (if even just a little bit) like I never had before, being that I’ve
never been a parent J
These kids
have become “my children.” They test my patience and frustrate me at times,
sometimes I just want to walk away and not deal with them, some days I just
want to stay in my room and not come out. But then that frustrating child does
something and I’m reminded how much I love, not only that child, but all of
these kids. It was talking with our group that I understood that thing our
parents always said, “no matter what you do I’ll always love you.” No matter
what any of these kids do, not matter how much they test my patience, no matter
how frustrating they are, no matter how many “episodes” I have to restrain them
through, there is nothing that will make me stop loving these kids.
I also now
understand the whole “I discipline you because I love you.” I always dis-liked
(because hate is a strong word :) )
when my parents told me that after a spanking, but now I understand. I
discipline the kids here because want the best for them, because I want them to
be honest, respectful children and someday adults.
I read this
compilation of scripture passages this morning…
I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.
I know whom I have
believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has
been entrusted to me. – For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels
nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor
depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the
love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – “I Kept them in your name, which you
have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost.”
For the Lord takes
pleasure in his people. – “Delighting in the children of man.” – The great love
with which he loved us. – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays
down his life for his friends.”
You were bought with a
price. So glorify God in your body. – If we live, we live to the Lord, and if
we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are
the Lords.
Song 7:10. 2 Tim. 1:12. Rom. 8:38, 39. John
17:12. Ps. 149:4. Prov. 8:31. Eph. 2:4. John 15:13. 1 Cor. 6:20. Rom. 14:8
I’ve always
loved Romans 8:38,39 but reading it in light of everything I shared above I had
a new understanding of God’s love for me and how nothing I do can stop Him from
loving me. I can do nothing that will separate me from His love. I see how
becoming a parent gives a whole new understanding of God’s sacrifice and love.
So I feel
like this is jumbled and may not make a whole lot of sense but they are the
thoughts that have been going through my head and I needed to write them down.
There are so many more thoughts but I don’t want to add to this disjointed mess :)
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