"...This week I as giving communion to one lady in the long line of people, she looked at me and said 'Welcome home.'
I don't know this woman, but for that instant she knew me. She said 'Welcome home,' it as as though a floodgate broke open from behind my eyes and the tears came in an unstoppable river. 'Welcome home.'
I wanted to ask her, 'where is home?'
I have come to the realization that I am somewhat of a nomad on this earth. I am learning to be okay with that. Human beings long for a place to call home, a nest, a sanctuary of their own. I have many and none. For so long my parents' house was my 'home,' my safe place; not it is a place where I feel strangely disconnected. My apartment is 'home' for now, but it doesn't feel personal yet. My room there is plastered with pictures of my children in my other 'home' in Uganda, the only home that truly feels like my place, the only home that I created for myself, and yet a place I cannot be.
'Welcome home,' the lady said to me at church. And in my mind, eight little bald, brown people ran toward me shrieking 'mommy, welcome hoooooome!' and squeezed me until I threatened to burst. My heart lives in so many places. With so many people. But God whispers to me that I really have only one home, and that is with Him. I will never really be content on this earth. I will always be a nomad. It was meant to be that way. My heart was created with a desire for a home, a nest, a sanctuary, and that can be found only with Him in heaven. And I will continue bouncing from one home to another, loving with everything I have in whatever location I currently reside, excitedly awaiting the day when I am called heavenward and He says to me, 'Welcome home.'"
"In Luke 14:26, Jesus says to His followers, 'If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-yes, even his own life-he cannot be my disciple.' Obviously, this verse doesn't mean I was to literally detest my parents. But it means that I was to love God so much that my love for my parents and anyone else looked small, even like hatred. It means I was to so want to follow Him that I would leave all the things I loved, even if doing so made it appear that I hated these things. It means to me that I should have valued nothing even close to the degree to which I valued His plan for my life and His love for me. And that where I landed.
I chose to value His plan, His calling, and His love over everything else. Everything. I had to be reunited with my heart and God's purpose."
We've been listing all the things I'll miss while I'm gone (first birthdays, multiple weddings, births, summer vacations, etc, etc.). I've even thought it might seem like I don't care that I'll miss out on this time with my family which is why I think this stuck with me today. Hopefully my family knows me well enough to know that I do care. But I also know, and this might sound like that hatred, it doesn't really matter what they think if I'm following God's will.
God is faithful. I might be "missing out" on things at "home" but I'm sure I can't even imagine what God has in store for me this summer.
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