Because I Love You...

(7.13.12)

There’s a young, single midwife running a clinic here in Jacmel who is currently taking care of a little baby girl who has aids (we actually have her brother here at HAF). Sarah brought Louise to our 4^th of July party (she was 1.5 weeks at the time) and I was able to spend quite a bit of time holding this precious tiny baby. As Natalie, Matt and I stood staring at her I asked, “how do you hurt this?,” to which Matt automatically responded, “you don’t!” I explained that I didn’t actually mean Louise but all the babies who are abused and abandoned everyday, the babies we have here who were dumped down 35 foot outhouse toilets minutes after being delivered. Holding and staring at that precious tiny baby, falling instantly in love, I just couldn’t comprehend…

Two days later we met another little girl, Jillian, who is now at another orphanage here in Jacmel. Jillian is 2 years old and weighs 10 pounds. I have never seen such a sight, in person, in my life. I was happy for Jillian and the care she is now receiving, happy that she will make it, that she will one day walk and play and feel the ocean on her skin. But at the same time my heart broke, not understanding how her parents, the people who are suppose to love and protect her, could allow her to be in such a state.

This was all amplified as we had some discussions with our group that week about our kids, being a parent, etc. We (Matt, Cam and I) are not her to be these kids’ parents but the reality is we are a parental figure in their lives. We help take care of them, we discipline them, hold them when they cry, take them on outings, spend one-on-one time with them, etc. Anyway, I hadn’t really thought about it until we started having the discussion but I suddenly understood the love of a parent (if even just a little bit) like I never had before, being that I’ve never been a parent J

These kids have become “my children.” They test my patience and frustrate me at times, sometimes I just want to walk away and not deal with them, some days I just want to stay in my room and not come out. But then that frustrating child does something and I’m reminded how much I love, not only that child, but all of these kids. It was talking with our group that I understood that thing our parents always said, “no matter what you do I’ll always love you.” No matter what any of these kids do, not matter how much they test my patience, no matter how frustrating they are, no matter how many “episodes” I have to restrain them through, there is nothing that will make me stop loving these kids.

I also now understand the whole “I discipline you because I love you.” I always dis-liked (because hate is a strong word :) ) when my parents told me that after a spanking, but now I understand. I discipline the kids here because want the best for them, because I want them to be honest, respectful children and someday adults.

I read this compilation of scripture passages this morning…

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.

I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. – For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – “I Kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost.”

For the Lord takes pleasure in his people. – “Delighting in the children of man.” – The great love with which he loved us. – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.”

You were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. – If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lords.

Song 7:10. 2 Tim. 1:12. Rom. 8:38, 39. John 17:12. Ps. 149:4. Prov. 8:31. Eph. 2:4. John 15:13. 1 Cor. 6:20. Rom. 14:8

I’ve always loved Romans 8:38,39 but reading it in light of everything I shared above I had a new understanding of God’s love for me and how nothing I do can stop Him from loving me. I can do nothing that will separate me from His love. I see how becoming a parent gives a whole new understanding of God’s sacrifice and love.

So I feel like this is jumbled and may not make a whole lot of sense but they are the thoughts that have been going through my head and I needed to write them down. There are so many more thoughts but I don’t want to add to this disjointed mess :)