If You Don't Laugh You'll Cry...

I'm alive! We've been without internet for nearly two weeks so I've posted the dates I actually wrote these next couple posts.

(7.6.12)

And right now I just want to break down and cry.

As I near having only one month left here, as I build relationships with  nannies and other workers, as I bond with the kids more and more each day, even as I think of trivial/selfish things like not having the mountain to look at everyday, not having the ocean as the backdrop of my life I almost have a sort of panic attack.

How do I leave this? How do I live in the States? How do I get out of bed and go about my day without the voices of 68 children as my soundtrack? What do I do if I’m not caring for these children? What did I do before that was of such importance as this?

I trust God and am willing to do whatever He leads me to next but with that is the fear that maybe He won’t call me back to Haiti… Or maybe it will be years…

Add that to daily life here and an “issue” we’re having now with some employees (an “issue” on which some of us aren’t agreeing), and there doesn’t seem to be anything to laugh about right now leaving crying as the only/best option.